CREATING METHODS OF HAPPINESS, PEACE & SUCCESS

Topics for the ‘Teens’ Category

 

Your First Counseling Session



 

Going to therapy for the first time takes some courage. You talk about very personal things with someone who is a complete stranger. What can you expect?

 

  1. First of all, many people feel nervous and uncertain about their first visit. It’s ok. This is a common feeling in psychotherapy.

 

  1. Before you come into the office, you will have to fill out some paperwork. You will receive a written description of my practice and you will need to sign an informed consent form. Additionally, you will fill out an intake form as well as a form giving you information about how your records are safe-guarded and the extent to which those records are confidential.

 

  1. Your first counseling session is called the intake. I will be gathering a lot of information about you, as part of the getting to know you process. During the intake session, I focus not only on what has brought you into my office, but also the things that are going well for you- supportive family and friends, talents, passions. These things play a big part in your feeling better.

 

  1. This is your time. You can use it as you wish to talk about anything you like, but to make our time together more effective it helps to have a general idea of what you would like to talk about prior to coming into the office. Jotting down topics or thoughts often helps.

 

  1. I will likely have some questions for you. Your background is important, as well as the concerns that exist in your life and your perception of the problem. At the end, I may offer you a different perspective to your problem as well as some brief homework to help with goal setting.

 

  1. I will not pressure you to talk about topics that are too uncomfortable for you. You have control over the progress of each session. Psychotherapy is a process and change takes time, it rarely occurs in just one visit. I generally find that it takes three or four visits to feel comfortable and attain clarity about yourself and the choices you can make to improve the quality of your life.

 

  1. At the end of the first session you should feel relief and a sense of hope. The frequency of your sessions will depend on your particular needs. Some clients prefer to come weekly while they are addressing a problem in the early stages and then schedule less frequent appointments to maintain gains or even just have an occasional “touch up” session.

 

Maybe you’re ready to take the next step and set up your first appointment. Feel free to give me a call at (305) 446-0333 or send me an email at info@marthaalvarez.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Exercise Your Brain



Mental exercise is just as important as physical exercise. Regularly exercising your brain with mentally stimulating novel activities helps brain function (thinking skills and memory) and reduces the risk of Alzheimer’s disease and other dementias. The best brain exercises challenge you to try something new and develop new neural pathways.

There are many ways you can exercise your brain. You could try:

  • Attending lectures to learn something new.
  • Playing board or card games.
  • Enrolling in classes in your local adult education center.
  • A hobby such as painting, carpentry, sewing etc.
  • Reading different genres of books or magazines.
  • Learn to dance, play a musical instrument or speak a new language.
  • Join a club or community group.
  • Find a volunteer position that allows you to meet new people and experience new situations.
  • Create a jigsaw puzzle.
  • Perform a task with your non-dominant hand.
  • Change your routines. This will help you refocus your attention.
  • And of course, continue your physical exercise. Exercise improves circulation and sends oxygen to your brain.

Prevention is the best discipline



Discipline means to “teach”. It is simply a way to guide and manage a child’s behavior.

Behavior is a form of communication. Children often misbehave when they have a hard time expressing their needs. They can get overwhelmed or confused over what to do next or how to handle a situation, thus an inappropriate behavior can occur.

It is much easier to prevent inappropriate behavior than it is to correct it. Creating a positive relationship with your child, one that fosters communication, respect and understanding is the first step in helping your child do the right thing.

Here are some ways you can help your child to behave:

  • Notice the good behavior: it seems simple, but often we forget to acknowledge the good choices our children make. It empowers them.
  • Ignore the little things: concentrate on what you really want to change.
  • Set a few simple, clear rules and enforce them consistently: clarity and consistency are essential.
  • Redirect the behaviors you do not like: get the child interested in positive activities or change the setting.
  • Give children advance notice: don’t leave things for the last minute. Transitions and changes in schedules are often stressful.
  • Keep a positive attitude: your sense of humor can go a long way in helping your child be cooperative and positive.
  • Set a good example: children learn what they live.
  • Get the child’s attention: Say his name, look at him when you talk. Don’t just give instructions from across the room.
  • Spend time with your children: kids need undivided, personal attention from their parents. It will help you bond.

What changes “if any” can you make to teach and motivate your child to make better choices?

3 Tips For Improving Your Child’s Sleep



Child sleepingMany children experience sleep related problems at least a few nights per week. Lack of sleep affects children physically, emotionally and academically.

Here are 3 essential tips to help your child get a better nights sleep.

 

1. Establish a routine – Regular sleep times are an important feature of creating desirable sleep behavior. A regular bedtime and wakeup time should be established and consistently followed.

  • Make the last 30 minutes before bedtime a regular routine. Include activities such as dressing for bed, washing, and reading.li>
  • Keep the order and timing consistent each night (e.g., brush teeth, wash up, change into pajamas, read for 15 to 20 minutes, hug and kiss, say, “ok, it’s time to sleep. Goodnight.”).
  • Don’t include activities that might result in conflict (i.e. picking out clothes for school). Work these into a routine before bedtime.

2. Nutrition and Exercise– how you eat and exercise impacts the way you sleep.

  • Nutrition is important to sleep. In general, a well-balanced diet is related to good sleep. Certain vitamins and supplements may have positive effects on sleep. Talk to your doctor about treating sleep problems via diet and supplements.
  • Exercise can also have a positive effect on sleep. Regular exercise during the day can help promote better sleep. Discourage vigorous activity right before bedtime.

3. The Setting – Turn the bedroom into a sleep inducing environment. Get your child involved in creating an environment that feels best for them.

  • The bed should be associated with relaxation. Try to minimize your child’s playing, jumping, wrestling, eating or homework on the bed.
  • Environmental factors such as light, temperature, comfort and noise should be optimized for sleep. (not too light or dark, hot or cold, or noisy, etc.) Black out curtains, comfy pillows, white noise, tranquil music and aromatherapy can help create a relaxing environment.
  • Some children feel more relaxed, grounded and safe with a heavier or weighted comforter due to the pressure of the touch.

 

Things to Avoid:

  • Avoid watching TV and using electronic devices close to bedtime because it can interfere with sleep.
  • Avoid vigorous activity and unpleasant situations right before bedtime.
  • Avoid extending the time for bedtime – don’t give in to requests for just one more story, or one more drink of water.
  • Avoid caffeine– caffeine is a stimulant that can stay in the body up to 6 hours. In general, drinks and foods containing caffeine, including soft drinks and chocolate, should be avoided in the hours before bedtime.

If your child continues to have sleep difficulties, you may want to consult your physician.

Refusal Skills



text: Just Say No!Kids are exposed to negative influences and peer pressure on a daily basis. Saying “no” to risky situations can be difficult for youth. Situations such as saying “no” to drugs or alcohol or saying “no” to texting while driving or cheating during an exam or doing something dangerous or breaking the law. There are so many choices kids have to make.

Encourage your child to develop and practice methods of saying “No”. Remind them to speak in a clear and firm manner and use confident body language to convey the message.

Here are several ways they can get out of undesirable situations and say “NO” in a more subtle way.

  • Switching topics (No, but hey did you see what happened in the game last night?)
  • Excuse (I can’t. I have to meet a friend in 10 minutes.)
  • Blame (I have a stomachache  or that stuff makes me feel horrible.)
  • State the facts (No thanks- I’ve read about what drugs do to your body.)
  • Give a friend a compliment that might make them think twice about their own risky decision (You’re so smart. Don’t risk hurting yourself.)
  • or, Just say “No”

The ADHD SOS Course Opens This Week!



I am thrilled to announce the launch of ADHD SOS, a digital parental skills training program designed to enable parents to help their children, who are struggling with ADHD, develop skills and strategies to tackle everyday instances at home, school or in social situations.

I developed this program so that you can have access to all the things I review in 1:1 sessions, on your time. The approach is strengths based as well as solutions oriented and focuses on promoting your child’s development in a manner that integrates seamlessly with your child and family’s lifestyle.

The program includes 8 modules that address key areas for turning everyday struggles into success. Each module is delivered on demand via audio, video or transcript format to facilitate a variety of learning styles.

The Curriculum:

  • Module 1: You, Me & ADHD
  • Module 2: Inside The ADHD Mind
  • Module 3: Emotions and Expectations
  • Module 4: Lifestyle Hacks
  • Module 5: Organization: Systems That Work
  • Module 6: Learning Styles
  • Module 7: The Art of Relating To Others
  • Module 8: Behaviors: The Good, The Bad & The Ugly

If you have been looking for a place where it all comes together – information plus strategies- guided by an expert who totally understands ADHD, then you have found ADHD SOS.

This Thursday, November 5th at 10am and at 6pm Pacific, I’m hosting a free online workshop, “8 Ways to Manage Your Child’s ADHD Symptoms” to show you what the ADHD-SOS program is all about.

Secure your spot, and learn more about the workshop here.

Here’s what you’ll learn during the workshop:

  • The importance of shifting your mindset and your child’s mindset
  • How to help your child identify and use their strengths to overcome their challenges
  • Understanding ADHD and your treatment options
  • How to help your child regulate their emotions
  • Lifestyle strategies to enhance your family’s functioning and well-being
  • How to incorporate a system of organization that is easy for your child & family to use
  • Parenting based on your child’s learning style
  • Tips for improving relationship skills
  • Behavior management strategies
  • And much more!

Click here to learn more and get started!

Back To School Stress Busters



A new school year can be an exciting, yet stressful time in your child’s life.
Numerous thoughts cross their minds about the Welcome backpossibilities that await them, both academically and socially. For parents, there are stressors too, such as adjusting to schedules, additional demands and having your child out of your care. As a family, this is a great opportunity to strengthen your connection as you support each other through this journey. Here are some tips to help you manage the stress:

1. Talk about their school day everyday. Ask questions and really listen. Sometimes, your child may want help brainstorming solutions to a situation and other times they may just want you to listen. During this time give your child your undivided attention. Also remember to share their enthusiasm for all the good things that they experienced.

2. Make sure your child has at least 8-10 hours sleep and all the electronics, including TV are shut off 30 minutes prior to bedtime. Mornings can be easy by creating a morning routine, having them set out their clothes or uniforms, getting backpacks ready and breakfast chosen the night before goes a long way.

3. The best way to immediately tone down your stress level is a few deep breaths. The breath is best inhaled through the nose and exhaled through the mouth. Try this as soon as you feel a stressor.

4. Have your child develop a new mantra “I’ve got this.” This mantra will be useful every time they feel uncertain about something. It is used as a simple reminder that it’s ok, they are going to be fine, they can do it! So, before that test that they studied for- “I’ve got this” – before they go talk to that new someone – “I’ve got this”.

5. Social concerns are high for kids. Remind them that not everyone is going to see eye to eye with them and may not even like them and that’s OK! We are all unique and special and the most important thing is that we like ourselves and are nice and respectful to others. Encourage your child to find a group of friends that they feel comfortable with and remind them that over time they can always choose to develop more friendships.

Teens “Hooking Up”



Romantic KissHooking up is a trend amongst teens that means “some sort of sexual activity with no strings attached.”  It is like “friends with benefits.” It can include anything from kissing and petting all the way to intercourse. It bypasses all the courting rituals and end eliminates the boyfriend and girlfriend relationship.

Research conducted by the Center for Disease Control and Prevention shows that the likelihood of sex increases with each school grade level, from 32 percent in 9th grade to 62 percent in 12th grade.

So why are teens doing this? Basically, because they like someone, they think it’s ok and everyone else is doing it too. So it comes down to sexual excitement and peer acceptance.  This is fueled by all the media sources portraying sexual provocative images that socialize teens to think of sexual activity as normative. In addition, dating apps such as Tinder make it easy for teens to match up with other teens for sexual relations.

So what do you do as a parent?

First, get informed and develop an on-going, open communication with your teen. Explain to them that sexual activity can have physical and emotional consequences. Most teens don’t think about the emotional consequences. Have an open discussion without getting angry or punitive.

Then, don’t assume your teen is not having sex. Ask. Sex can mean different things to a teen. “Oral sex” may not be considered sex by many teens. Make sure they understand what you mean when you talk about sex. Listen to what they have to say.

Teens “hook up” to feel wanted and fit in as part of what has become socially acceptable by their peer group. It is important to know who your teen’s peer group is and what they are doing and where they are doing it. The most common time and place for teen sex is after school in someone’s house.

Even though it is uncomfortable for many parents to have this conversation with their teen, it actually helps strengthen your relationship.  Ideally the conversation should begin before your child becomes sexually active in any way. Regardless, having insight in your teen’s social life and keeping the communication lines open by listening to them and asking questions is the best way to protect them, both physically and emotionally.

Parenting young teens



images (3)Kids need guidance and discipline as they grow into responsible, caring adults. Parenting young teens is not for the faint of heart. It’s hard work. As young teens become more independent your parenting style may change. They need to be given more choices and taught critical thinking skills.

Natural consequences help kids experience the outcome of their actions and learn to be responsible. It helps them discover the benefits of order and rules. As a parent you don’t have to threaten, argue or give in. Instead let them be responsible for what happens.

For example, a natural consequence to not completing their homework or project is having them face their teacher and explain what happened. If, however, you rescue them and help them do it then, they will not learn the lesson and most likely commit the same mistake again.

Logical consequences also work. A logical consequence takes the place of punishment and is practical, enforceable and related to a teen’s behavior. The consequences should be explained ahead of time in a calm, clear and respectful manner. It is important that you inform the child of the reasons for the expected behavior and wanted outcomes.

An example is a teen who arrives home past curfew must have an earlier curfew for a few nights or may lose the use of the car.

Keep in mind that timing is key to the use of natural and logical consequences. Do not try to explain the consequences when you or your teen is angry or upset. It is best to discuss consequences prior to them happening.

As young teens become more independent, they should be given more choices. Keep in mind, kids will make mistakes. It’s ok- that’s how they will learn. The important thing is to make sure they stay safe and to be consistent in your parental guidance and discipline.

Remember the three R’s: related, reasonable, and respectful. The consequence should relate to the behavior, be fair, and show respect for the young teen’s feelings and the right to choose how to behave.

Kids Wanting More



images-1 Are your kids suffering from a sense of entitlement?

Do they get angry when they don’t get what they want and when they want it?

Here are a few quick tips to help them come back down to earth.

  • Allow your children to see the real world. Serve on a mission trip to an underprivileged part of the country or the world. Go feed the homeless or volunteer at a shelter or soup kitchen. Drive around impoverished areas of your community (or a nearby city). Discuss what you see.
  • Don’t give them every new thing that comes along. Deny them some things they really want (but don’t really need) teaches them to delay gratification and appreciate things more when (if) they do get them.
  • Encourage them to work to earn their own spending money. The fast food industry is a great place to start. When they’re making $7-10/hour, they soon learn how many hours or work it takes to get a pedicure. They’ll appreciate every Starbucks frappuccino that much more!
  • Teach them how to save for things they want. If they want the latest iPhone, require them to put up half the money for the upgrade and pay you monthly for the subscription fee. It doesn’t really matter whether you can afford it. The real goal is to teach your children the value of a dollar and prepare them financially for the real world.
  • Refuse to get caught up in comparing your family to others. Who cares if the Joneses get their kids every new electronic gadget when it comes on the market? Who cares if the Schwartz’ buy their kids brand new cars? Make decisions that are best for your family, for your children now and for their future.
  • Give your child chores on a regular basis. In order for the family to be successful everyone has to cooperate. No exceptions. Once your child understands that we are all equal  and we help each other instead of serve each other , he will feel he deserves his place in his family.