Helping You Build Healthier Relationships With Yourself and Others

Topics for the ‘Family’ Category

 

Deep Breathing



Proper breathing helps your body break away from the “fight or flight” response. When you are stressed, your breath becomes more rapid and shallow. Deep breathing allows the body to return to a state of calmness and delivers oxygen throughout the body as it stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system.

Deep breathing is a technique that can be used anywhere and anytime. It is best to practice it in a calm state so that when you are stressed, the technique can be easily implemented.

 

Belly Breathing

  • Lie on your back. Put your hands on your belly.
  • With your mouth closed, breathe in slowly through your nose for a count of 4 as your belly expands.
  • Hold the breath for a count of 2.
  • Slowly exhale the breath though your mouth as your belly retracts.
  • Repeat several times.

 

Making it fun for children

  • Blowing a pinwheel
  • Blowing a feather
  • Blowing bubbles.
  • Placing a stuffed animal on their stomach, while lying down and watching it rise and lower with each breath.
  • Add imagery while inhaling, such as a colorful balloon filling up with air and then letting the air out of the balloon upon exhale.
  • Add a phrase, such as “ breathe in the good, breathe out the bad.”

 

 

Exercise Your Brain



Mental exercise is just as important as physical exercise. Regularly exercising your brain with mentally stimulating novel activities helps brain function (thinking skills and memory) and reduces the risk of Alzheimer’s disease and other dementias. The best brain exercises challenge you to try something new and develop new neural pathways.

There are many ways you can exercise your brain. You could try:

  • Attending lectures to learn something new.
  • Playing board or card games.
  • Enrolling in classes in your local adult education center.
  • A hobby such as painting, carpentry, sewing etc.
  • Reading different genres of books or magazines.
  • Learn to dance, play a musical instrument or speak a new language.
  • Join a club or community group.
  • Find a volunteer position that allows you to meet new people and experience new situations.
  • Create a jigsaw puzzle.
  • Perform a task with your non-dominant hand.
  • Change your routines. This will help you refocus your attention.
  • And of course, continue your physical exercise. Exercise improves circulation and sends oxygen to your brain.

Refusal Skills



text: Just Say No!Kids are exposed to negative influences and peer pressure on a daily basis. Saying “no” to risky situations can be difficult for youth. Situations such as saying “no” to drugs or alcohol or saying “no” to texting while driving or cheating during an exam or doing something dangerous or breaking the law. There are so many choices kids have to make.

Encourage your child to develop and practice methods of saying “No”. Remind them to speak in a clear and firm manner and use confident body language to convey the message.

Here are several ways they can get out of undesirable situations and say “NO” in a more subtle way.

  • Switching topics (No, but hey did you see what happened in the game last night?)
  • Excuse (I can’t. I have to meet a friend in 10 minutes.)
  • Blame (I have a stomachache  or that stuff makes me feel horrible.)
  • State the facts (No thanks- I’ve read about what drugs do to your body.)
  • Give a friend a compliment that might make them think twice about their own risky decision (You’re so smart. Don’t risk hurting yourself.)
  • or, Just say “No”

5 Tips for Parents of Children with Learning Disabilities



Having a learning difference means your child is struggling with skills such as reading, writing, listening, speaking, reasoning or solving math problems. A learning disability does not imply a deficit in intelligence. In fact, most children diagnosed with learning disabilities have average or above average intelligence, they just learn in a different manner.

 

Here are five tips for parents to keep in mind:

 

  1. Find out what your child’s challenges and strengths are. Have your child evaluated to gain a better understanding about the whole child. Make sure you have a clear understanding of your child’s areas of strengths and difficulties. Share this information with your child. Encourage them to use their strengths and assure them that together, you will create tools to overcome their challenges.

 

  1. Find support. Talk to your child’s teacher and school to find out what type of support, remediation and expectations they have. If you cannot find adequate support at school, then you may need to find it outside of school with other parents, groups and professionals who can share learning tips and strategies for kids with learning difficulties.

 

  1. Have reasonable expectations. Know your child’s capabilities and when to push and when to stop. Keep things in perspective. Academics are important but your child’s emotional health and ability to find solutions to daily struggles is even more important. Learning is a lifelong experience; it should be enjoyable.

 

  1. Discover your child’s preferred learning style. Is your child a visual, auditory or kinesthetic learner? Presenting the information in your child’s preferred learning style will allow them to learn and process the way they learn best.

 

  1. Keep the lines of communication open with your child. Take time to listen to your child’s concerns and accomplishments. Remain positive and curious and above all become their biggest cheerleader. As a parent, your support and understanding really matters.

Prevent the Summer Math Slide



Summer is half way through and as your child gets ready to go back to school in September, it might be a good idea to help them sharpen their math skills.

During summer, kids often forget math computational skills that they learned the previous year. So, it’s a good time to help them regain their memory.

Here are a few tips on how to weave some fun into a math review:

Problem Solving:

Have your child solve everyday math problems, such as:

  • If each candy bar costs $1.29 then how much do 3 candy bars cost?
  • How old will I be when you turn 18?
  • How old will you be in the year 2050?
  • If I were to give you $50 to spend and you had to buy two gifts, one for $15 and the other for $22, then how much money would you have left over?

Money:

  • Count the money in the piggy bank
  • Write out fake checks
  • Make towers of quarters and dimes and guess how much money there is in each tower
  • Let them pay and check the change wherever you go

Math Facts:

  • Ask them the times tables on a random car ride and offer a treat (maybe ice cream) if they get them mostly right
  • Use pizzas, pies, cookies and cakes to review fractions
  • Get a math facts placemat for the dinner table

Digital Practice:

  • Mathisfun.com
  • Fun4thebrain.com
  • Maths Bingo app
  • Virtual Manipulatives app

Kinesthetic Learners:

  • Use clay or Legos
  • Use sand and water to demonstrate volume
  • Use grapes, oranges or any other fruit or vegetable to count, divide or multiply

And of course, there’s the old lemonade stand, which will help your child boost mathematical, measuring and money management skills.

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All is takes is a few minutes everyday to practice math facts to ensure an easy transition into the next school year. Start today.

 

 

5 Lifestyle Habits that Will Improve Symptoms of Both Depression and Anxiety



HealthyLife1.  Exercise– Endorphins, which are feel good hormones, are released during exercise.  Exercise can include many activities and does not have to be limited to going to a gym or running or walking. Try going for a bike ride or swimming, dancing and even gardening. The point is to get your body moving.

2.  Sleep– Getting enough quality sleep is essential. Sleep has a significant effect on your mood as well as your cognition. People are grumpy and don’t think straight when they are tired. Implement a good sleep hygiene habit and get some ZZZ’s.

3.  Sunshine– Let the sun shine in! Get out into the sun everyday for 20 minutes. Research indicates that 20 minutes of sunlight into your eyes improves the levels of feel good neurotransmitters.

4.  Smile– Stress shows up in our face. Smiling can help reduce stress and change your mood. Smiling also releases endorphins, boosts your immune system, makes you look younger and is contagious. So, what are you waiting for 🙂

5.  Eat more whole foods– Nutritional imbalances can make you prone to depression and anxiety. Some of the most common levels that may be off and can contribute to mental health issues are: essential fats, homocysteine, serotonin, blood sugar, calcium, vitamin, D, B12, magnesium and food intolerances. So tap into food’s healing properties and stay away from processed foods.

Shyness in Children



images (5)If your child suffers from shyness, they are not alone. Recent research suggests that over 50% of the general population currently experiences some degree of shyness in their lives. Many children are shy in situations that are new to them. It can be painful if it continues to adolescence and beyond preventing them from participating fully in most social settings. Being shy is not necessarily a problem, unless it causes distress. Luckily, there are many strategies and options to help overcome shyness.

Here are some tips to help your child:

  • Avoid labeling your child as shy. Reframe it as “reserved” or a “deep thinker”. You can say, “ Johnny likes to listen to others before sharing his views” or “ Mary likes to think before rushing in”.
  • Some kids need time to feel comfortable or warm up, so preparing them on what to expect really helps. Do not rush them into participating.
  • If you are going somewhere new, like school, try to have them meet the teacher and get familiar with the school grounds prior to the fist day of school.  You can also use the Internet to show them pictures of where they will be going, which will give them a general idea.
  • Take time to talk to them about what they could expect socially, in different settings, and how to handle sticky situations. Role-play with them or simply offer suggestions and brainstorm about possible solutions to scenarios.
  • For example, if it is lunchtime and your child isn’t certain where he should sit, he can try preplanning it with someone from class before lunch or identify possible lunch buddies and practice conversation starters that he can use.
  • Help them practice on how to approach other kids and speak up in class. Develop topics of conversation that their peers may find interesting. Using open-ended questions usually prompts conversations.
  • Encourage using “I” statements instead of “you” statements that can often cause others to become defensive.
  • Bring to their awareness social interactions such as using humor, standing up for yourself, saying “no”, asking for something and apologizing as they happen in everyday life.
  • Encourage your child to sign up for some sort of sport, club or extracurricular activity. Whether it’s a team sport or theatre, dance, karate, gymnastics, it will give them the opportunity to interact and have something to talk about with their peers.
  • Shyness and anxiety go hand in hand and many times it is actually not a skill deficit but rather a lack of self-confidence.
  • Remind your child of past successes. Give them confidence but don’t push them. They will evolve gradually when they’re ready.

Above all, love and accept you child’s personality and remind them to do the same. They are their own unique, perfect self.

Stinking Thinking can really make you mad



stinkingthinkingAnger triggering thoughts often distort our view of reality.  Here are some of the most common negative thoughts that feed anger and how to get rid of them.

Blaming. The belief that someone else is responsible for a situation and that you cannot do anything about it. By blaming others you discount that you have the power to make choices that impact your situation. You feel powerless, helpless and stuck. You expect someone else to fix it.

  • Instead think– “What can I do to change this situation?” “ I can do something about this”

Magnifying. The tendency to make mountains out of molehills – to make an uncomfortable situation worst. Using words like “awful, terrible, unbearable, horrible, the worst”, provoke an exaggerated angry response.

  • Instead think– “ How horrible is this, really? “  “It’s irritating but I can handle this”

Universal labels. The use of black and white thinking and judgments – seeing a person as “totally evil” or “completely selfish” and ignoring the good bits.

  • Instead think-  “ This is a problem or a bad choice but he/she is not a horrible person.”

 Misattributions. Jumping to conclusions and mind-reading; assigning negative motivations to the actions of others. You don’t ask for clarification or feedback because you think you already know.

  •  Instead think- What else might be going on? Can there be another explanation?

Overgeneralization- The use of “always”, “never”, “always”, “nobody”, “everybody”. Thoughts like “she’s always late” or “he never listens” fuel the angry situation.

  •  Instead think- “ How often does this happen? Are there times when it hasn’t happened?”

Demanding/Commanding- Imposing your own values and needs on others who may have very different values and needs. Feeling that your needs require other’s compliance.

  • Instead think- “ I would rather things were different but I can get through this.” “Not getting what I want is not the end of the world”

By practicing a bit of mindfulness you can turn around your cognitive distortions immediately and hence, get rid of anger.

Parenting young teens



images (3)Kids need guidance and discipline as they grow into responsible, caring adults. Parenting young teens is not for the faint of heart. It’s hard work. As young teens become more independent your parenting style may change. They need to be given more choices and taught critical thinking skills.

Natural consequences help kids experience the outcome of their actions and learn to be responsible. It helps them discover the benefits of order and rules. As a parent you don’t have to threaten, argue or give in. Instead let them be responsible for what happens.

For example, a natural consequence to not completing their homework or project is having them face their teacher and explain what happened. If, however, you rescue them and help them do it then, they will not learn the lesson and most likely commit the same mistake again.

Logical consequences also work. A logical consequence takes the place of punishment and is practical, enforceable and related to a teen’s behavior. The consequences should be explained ahead of time in a calm, clear and respectful manner. It is important that you inform the child of the reasons for the expected behavior and wanted outcomes.

An example is a teen who arrives home past curfew must have an earlier curfew for a few nights or may lose the use of the car.

Keep in mind that timing is key to the use of natural and logical consequences. Do not try to explain the consequences when you or your teen is angry or upset. It is best to discuss consequences prior to them happening.

As young teens become more independent, they should be given more choices. Keep in mind, kids will make mistakes. It’s ok- that’s how they will learn. The important thing is to make sure they stay safe and to be consistent in your parental guidance and discipline.

Remember the three R’s: related, reasonable, and respectful. The consequence should relate to the behavior, be fair, and show respect for the young teen’s feelings and the right to choose how to behave.

New Year’s Intentions, not Resolutions



new yearsHow about starting 2014 with a new intention instead of a resolution? If we set an intention rather than a resolution, we open ourselves up to a variety of possible outcomes, some of which might be more useful than what we imagined.  An intention is not as goal directed as a resolution, so there is less chance of getting stuck or fixated on a particular outcome.

 

Things are always changing, so setting intentions allows flexibility while evolving towards the life you desire. Simple intentions often pave the way for rewarding, long lasting changes.

 

Here are some intentions you may want to consider:

 

  • Pay Attention – We live in a fast paced world and for the sake of time, we often overlook what’s really happening around us. Take time to notice when you’re zoning out or rushing through things. This will make a huge difference in your relationship with others.

 

  • Practice generosity– Generosity can come in many forms: offering a compliment, a gift, assistance or emotional support. We all can benefit from a helping hand and unexpected kindness.

 

 

  • Mind the voices in your head– Don’t indulge in negative self talk or thoughts that keep you stuck in the past or worried about the future. Notice them and when they arise, redirect them with happy alternative thoughts. For example, if you are worried on what can go wrong in a situation, change your thoughts to what could go right. Develop a strong, detailed mental image of the good thought and use it any time the negative thought pops into your head. Remember, the mind is a creature of habit- careful what you feed it.

 

 

Note: Intentions arise from love not fear or scarcity. They make you feel inspired, not stressed. They generate a greater awareness and strengthen the Spirit.

 

 

Many blessings and wishing you a fabulous 2014!