CREATING METHODS OF HAPPINESS, PEACE & SUCCESS

How to get over the guy, that’s no good for you.



 

You have loved him and you have hated him. You have laughed, cried, made adjustments, compromises; but the relationship just doesn’t work out.

It seems that you have tried everything to make it better

but, nothing seems to work.

 

And sometimes you see glimpses of hope, yet they are quickly shattered.

And you promise yourself that this will be the last time, yet, it isn’t.

You spend countless nights thinking, “what’s wrong with me?” “I need to let go of this already” but your heart still yearns for him.

 

Why is it so confusing and difficult?

 

One of the reasons that letting go is tough is because neurons that fire together wire together. Basically, it becomes a habit.

 

What that means is that your experiences become embedded in a network of brain cells and each time you repeat a particular thought or action, you strengthen the connection between your neurons.

So, the more you think of him, the more he will still be around- at least in your head.

The good news is that once you stop focusing your attention on him, the connection will weaken and letting go will be easier.

 

Here are some ways to let him go, opt-out, process the loss, accept and move on:

 

1) Stop calling, texting, emailing, or checking on him via social media. That reinforces your neuron loop.

 

2) Stop analyzing the situation. If you need to do it one more time then, make it final. Come to a conclusion. It helps to write down all the reasons that this relationship does not work out for you. Why are you not happy? Get clear.

Let go of the fantasies, the “what if’s” and “if only” and the rationalizing of unacceptable behavior.

 

3) Don’t blame yourself or second-guess yourself. Nobody’s perfect. Perhaps you have made some mistakes, but regardless, you deserve better. Accept this relationship as an experience. Ask yourself, what can I learn from this?

 

4) Show yourself some love. Do things that feed your spirit and make you happy. Sometimes the smallest things have the biggest impact. Reconnect with yourself.

 

5) If you find yourself obsessing, start practicing mindfulness. Take a deep breath. Say, STOP out loud to yourself and visualize a stop sign.

Now, divert your attention to your breath as it flows in and out. Stay in the present moment. Repeat to yourself, “I choose healthy & happy”.

When you obsess about something, it is a situation from the past that you are still attached to in an unhealthy manner. Let it go!

 

He’s not the one. Let him go.

Make space for something better.

 

Develop a new mantra ~ I Choose Healthy & Happy ~

What is a psycho-educational assessment?



 

What is a Psycho-educational assessment?

 

A psycho-educational assessment provides estimates of the client’s intellectual, or cognitive, abilities and educational achievement levels. It also yields recommendations relevant for educational planning.

Sources of assessment data include background information, educational history, and records and data from tests of intelligence and educational achievement and, at times, ratings tests of attention, behavior/emotions, and adaptive behavior.

A psycho-educational assessment is designed to answer these questions: Does the client have a learning disability(ies)? Mental retardation? Attention problems? What are the client’s academic and cognitive abilities, strengths, and weaknesses? What are appropriate educational recommendations? Accommodations?

While learning, not emotional problems, is the focus of psycho-educational assessment, behavior/emotional and medical issues may need to be addressed in psycho-educational assessment. Compiling, integrating, and analyzing all assessment data yield educational and other relevant recommendations.

 

Components of a psycho-educational assessment include:

  •   Referral question(s)
    • Referral source
    • Background information
    • Assessment procedures
    • Relevant test procedures
    • Assessment results
    • Interpretation of results
    • Summary and recommendations

An important part of the psycho-educational assessment is the educational recommendations section. In this section the clinician will make recommendations to help strengthen the areas of weakness. This may include suggestions for accommodations in the academic setting as well as additional support.

 

Intelligence Tests

Intelligence tests are commonly referred to as IQ tests. The most common IQ tests in current use are the Wechsler intelligence scales and Woodcock-Johnson.

The Wechsler scales yield:

  • Full-scale intelligence quotient (IQ): overall, composite measure of intelligence
  • Verbal IQ: estimate of verbal comprehension and expression
  • Performance IQ: estimate of visual-spatial reasoning.
  • In addition, there are supplementary indexes that include measures of Verbal Comprehension, Perceptual Organization, Processing Speed (a measure of information-processing speed), and Working Memory (a measure of short-term memory and attention).

 

Woodcock Johnson Test also includes supplemental information that includes:

  • Auditory processing: discrimination, analysis, and synthesis of auditory stimuli; perception and discrimination of speech sounds despite interfering background noise
  • Phonemic awareness: manipulation, analysis, and synthesis of discrete sounds
  • Visual processing: (includes visual memory) perception, analysis, and synthesis of visual stimuli; storage and memory of visually presented stimuli; mental manipulation of visual patterns
  • Long-term retrieval/memory: storage and retention of information with ability to retrieve it at a later time.
  • Short-term memory: processing and holding auditory information in awareness, then manipulating it within a few seconds
  • Processing speed: rapid cognitive processing without higher order thinking; attentiveness and fluency of simple information processing
  • Verbal reasoning: reasoning and comprehension when using language, verbal expression, vocabulary
  • General information/knowledge: acquired knowledge, long-term memory
  • Fluid reasoning: inductive and deductive reasoning, problem solving, and concept formation on novel tasks that are nonverbal or limited in language demands
  • Quantitative ability: understanding mathematical concepts and relations.

In addition, often implicated in learning disabilities are the areas of auditory processing, phonemic awareness, processing speed, short-term memory, and long-term retrieval. Because traditional IQ tests yield measures of only some of the above abilities, a good psycho-educational assessment should supplement a traditional IQ measure, such as the Wechsler, with additional measures from the Woodcock-Johnson or other batteries.

 

Educational/Achievement Tests

Educational testing, typically referenced as achievement testing, is an important component of psycho-educational assessment. Assessment of achievement is an important part of assessment to rule out/diagnose learning disabilities and mental retardation. In addition, attention problems are often related to achievement problems. In most cases, poor achievement is what triggers the referral for assessment.

 

Learning disabilities

Learning disabilities are a pattern of scores representing unevenness in intellectual and academic abilities and skills. While all people have some strengths and weaknesses (e.g., stronger in quantitative than verbal skills), a person with learning disabilities has significant variability in both intellectual/cognitive abilities and related academic variability. The most common example is reading disabilities. These are usually associated with deficits in auditory processing, processing speed, and/or phonemic awareness; but the essential component is unexpectedly weak reading skills.

Federal law defines the seven areas of learning disability as

  • basic reading (includes phonetic decoding and sight word recognition)
  • reading comprehension
  • mathematics calculation
  • mathematics reasoning
  • written expression(includes basic writing skills, spelling, and composition)
  • oral expression
  • listening comprehension.

 

Giftedness

Each state and school district is required to develop and implement a system to identify students that are thought to be gifted and in need of specially designed instruction. Mentally gifted generally includes a person with an IQ score of at least 130, but gifted criteria is not based on IQ score alone.

 

Dual Exceptionalities

Dual exceptional, also known as twice exceptional applies to students that demonstrate both superior intellectual ability and specific learning problems or attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). These students do not fit neatly into the gifted or learning disability category and are often the most challenging for educators. It is important for educators to tend to both the giftedness and the disability.

 

Mental Retardation

Mental retardation is typically defined as significantly below average intellectual/cognitive functioning (approximately two standard deviations below the mean) and significantly weak adaptive behavior.

 

Measures of Adaptive Behavior

State and federal laws require that a measure of adaptive behavior (i.e., domestic, daily living, social and functional academic and communication skills) must be obtained in making a diagnosis of mental retardation.

 

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder

There is no single test for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). However, there are several behavior ratings and tests of attention; most provide measures of hyperactivity-impulsivity and inattentiveness. Parents and teachers will complete rating scales as part of the assessment. In addition, behavioral observations will be made by the clinician.

 

 

Note: Generally, a full scale IQ over 130 is considered gifted and an IQ below 70 may classify as mental retardation but a single IQ score alone does not determine this criteria.

 

IQ Classifications in Educational Use

Wechsler, David. Wechsler Adult Intelligence Scale-Third edition

Psychological Corporation, 1997
Classification IQ Score Percent Included
Theoretical Normal Curve Actual Sample
Very Superior 130 and above 2.2 2.1
Superior 120-129 6.7 8.3
High Average* 110-119 16.1 16.1
Average 90-109 50.0 50.3
Low Average* 80-89 16.1 14.8
Borderline 70-79 6.7 6.5
Extremely Low*  ** 69 and below 2.2 1.9

 

 

 

 

Source: Keys to effective LD practice, University of Tennessee

I can say this instead…



 

Instead of …                                     Try thinking…

 

– I’m not good at this                          – What am I missing?

 

– I’m awesome at this                         – I’m on the right track

 

– I give up!                                           – I’ll use a different strategy

 

– This is too hard                                – This may take some time & effort

 

– I can’t do math                                – I’m going to train my brain in math

 

– I made a mistake                             – Mistakes help me improve

 

– Its’ good enough                            – Is this really my best work?

 

– They don’t like me                         – I don’t need anyone’s approval

 

– I’m too impulsive                          – I’m very spontaneous

 

 

 

 

How to help your angry child



  • Deep Breathing: Focusing on your breath is key in controlling how anger shows up in your body and your mind. Teach your child some deep breathing exercises when they are calm and remind them to use their breath to manage their anger.

 

  • Monitor their self- talk: It’s easy to feed into anger and let it escalate based on the story you tell yourself. Self-talk has a huge influence on your feelings and can make yourself feel better or worse on any given situation. Help your child choose different thoughts when they are faced with an upsetting situation.

 

  • Using I-statements: I-statements help a child communicate effectively without being disrespectful or aggressive. They allow a child to describe what happened, how they felt, why they felt that way, and what they would like to happen instead. For example: I feel… when… because…. I wish….

 

  • Remind them they have alternatives: Help your child let go of anger in safe ways. For example, if they tend to express anger and frustration in a physical way, they can kick a ball against an outside wall, punch a pillow, rip up newspaper, stomp on bubble wrap, go for a run or squeeze a stress ball.

 

  • Feelings are ok: Feelings and emotions form an essential part of our lives and well-being. Help your child identify and develop a vocabulary of feelings so that they can express themselves openly.

 

Parenting a child who struggles with anger can be exhausting. It is often an opportunity to learn more about yourself as a parent and how you respond to big emotions. Support your child emotionally and they will feel safe with their feelings. Take care of yourself, teach through love and hold a space where your child’s positivity can flourish.

 

 

 

Deep Breathing



Proper breathing helps your body break away from the “fight or flight” response. When you are stressed, your breath becomes more rapid and shallow. Deep breathing allows the body to return to a state of calmness and delivers oxygen throughout the body as it stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system.

Deep breathing is a technique that can be used anywhere and anytime. It is best to practice it in a calm state so that when you are stressed, the technique can be easily implemented.

 

Belly Breathing

  • Lie on your back. Put your hands on your belly.
  • With your mouth closed, breathe in slowly through your nose for a count of 4 as your belly expands.
  • Hold the breath for a count of 2.
  • Slowly exhale the breath though your mouth as your belly retracts.
  • Repeat several times.

 

Making it fun for children

  • Blowing a pinwheel
  • Blowing a feather
  • Blowing bubbles.
  • Placing a stuffed animal on their stomach, while lying down and watching it rise and lower with each breath.
  • Add imagery while inhaling, such as a colorful balloon filling up with air and then letting the air out of the balloon upon exhale.
  • Add a phrase, such as “ breathe in the good, breathe out the bad.”

 

 

Managing a panic attack



A panic attack is a sudden episode of overwhelming fear that occurs spontaneously. It is a short period of intense anxiety, often lasting several minutes. It can happen at any moment, whether asleep or awake. It can be emotionally debilitating and terrifying, but not life threatening.

A panic attack is due to high levels of adrenaline. Adrenaline, also known as epinephrine, is a hormone and neurotransmitter that activates the fight or flight mechanism in your body. When excess adrenaline is pumped into your bloodstream, you may start to feel the symptoms of a panic attack until all the adrenaline released is used up by your autonomic nervous system. When there is no more surplus adrenaline in your bloodstream, the panic attack subsides.

 

These are some symptoms that you may experience during a panic attack:

  • Light-headedness
  • Numbness
  • Nausea
  • Sweating
  • Tingling
  • Shortness of breath or smothering
  • Stomach problems
  • Shaking
  • Chills/heat
  • Dizziness
  • Flushes
  • Fear of dying
  • Chest pains
  • Racing heart/palpitations
  • Feeling of unreality
  • Feeling of choking
  • Fear of losing control

 

What can you do?

  1. Sit or lay down. Ground yourself.
  2. Think, “This will pass” “Even though I am very scared and uncomfortable, I am going to be ok”, “ I am not in danger”, “ This is not life-threatening”
  3. Concentrate on your breathing, and breathe deeply and slowly in through your nose for four seconds and out through your mouth for six seconds. Keep doing this for a few  minutes. This will bring the needed oxygen back into your body. It is best to practice this first while you are feeling calm rather than wait until you are anxious
  4. Some people prefer to close their eyes and others prefer to look around and notice all the typical things happening around them to distract themselves.
  5. Cold water and ice works well with panic attacks. Sip cold water, put a cold cloth on the base of your neck, splash ice water on your face\
  6.  As a lifestyle, cut out coffee, tea, soda and start a stress reduction practice. Your nervous system will thank you for it.
  7.  Diet can affect anxiety levels. Talk to your doctor about nutrition therapy and how vitamins and minerals can support your autonomic nervous system
  8.  If panic attacks occur often, you may want to consider medication.

 

 

Your First Counseling Session



 

Going to therapy for the first time takes some courage. You talk about very personal things with someone who is a complete stranger. What can you expect?

 

  1. First of all, many people feel nervous and uncertain about their first visit. It’s ok. This is a common feeling in psychotherapy.

 

  1. Before you come into the office, you will have to fill out some paperwork. You will receive a written description of my practice and you will need to sign an informed consent form. Additionally, you will fill out an intake form as well as a form giving you information about how your records are safe-guarded and the extent to which those records are confidential.

 

  1. Your first counseling session is called the intake. I will be gathering a lot of information about you, as part of the getting to know you process. During the intake session, I focus not only on what has brought you into my office, but also the things that are going well for you- supportive family and friends, talents, passions. These things play a big part in your feeling better.

 

  1. This is your time. You can use it as you wish to talk about anything you like, but to make our time together more effective it helps to have a general idea of what you would like to talk about prior to coming into the office. Jotting down topics or thoughts often helps.

 

  1. I will likely have some questions for you. Your background is important, as well as the concerns that exist in your life and your perception of the problem. At the end, I may offer you a different perspective to your problem as well as some brief homework to help with goal setting.

 

  1. I will not pressure you to talk about topics that are too uncomfortable for you. You have control over the progress of each session. Psychotherapy is a process and change takes time, it rarely occurs in just one visit. I generally find that it takes three or four visits to feel comfortable and attain clarity about yourself and the choices you can make to improve the quality of your life.

 

  1. At the end of the first session you should feel relief and a sense of hope. The frequency of your sessions will depend on your particular needs. Some clients prefer to come weekly while they are addressing a problem in the early stages and then schedule less frequent appointments to maintain gains or even just have an occasional “touch up” session.

 

Maybe you’re ready to take the next step and set up your first appointment. Feel free to give me a call at (305) 446-0333 or send me an email at info@marthaalvarez.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Why Do People Cheat?



Why do people cheat in a relationship? It’s a conscious act. They know what they are doing. It’s considered cheating when your partner is not informed or in agreement with your lack of loyalty, physically or emotionally. Yet, it is not always easy to figure out how it came to be.

Physical infidelity is getting involved in a physically sexual manner with someone who is not your monogamous partner. Emotional infidelity is when you make an emotional romantic investment, without the physical component, with someone else. Emotional infidelity is not as clear-cut as physical infidelity. It tends to develop slowly and can be a gateway to physical infidelity.

There are numerous reasons why someone cheats, including:

  • Sexual desire for someone else
  • Sexual addiction
  • Dissatisfaction with themselves
  • Dissatisfaction with their partner and relationship
  • Anger
  • Revenge
  • Boredom and seeking a novel experience
  • Thrill
  • Emotional disconnection
  • Opportunity
  • A sense of entitlement
  • Learned behavior from a parent
  • Low self esteem and insecurity
  • Feeling overwhelmed in the current relationship

But, what about love? Can you cheat on your partner and still love them?

The short answer is, “it depends”. We are human. People make mistakes. It really depends on a variety of factors – the circumstances, the reasons, and certainly the way you define love.

Infidelity is complicated. It elicits strong emotions from both the person cheating as well as the partner who has been cheated on and no matter who does it or why, it’s going to impact your relationship.

Many relationships end due to infidelity and others renew and thrive. Understanding the dynamics of what went wrong is the first step towards recovery.

 

Exercise Your Brain



Mental exercise is just as important as physical exercise. Regularly exercising your brain with mentally stimulating novel activities helps brain function (thinking skills and memory) and reduces the risk of Alzheimer’s disease and other dementias. The best brain exercises challenge you to try something new and develop new neural pathways.

There are many ways you can exercise your brain. You could try:

  • Attending lectures to learn something new.
  • Playing board or card games.
  • Enrolling in classes in your local adult education center.
  • A hobby such as painting, carpentry, sewing etc.
  • Reading different genres of books or magazines.
  • Learn to dance, play a musical instrument or speak a new language.
  • Join a club or community group.
  • Find a volunteer position that allows you to meet new people and experience new situations.
  • Create a jigsaw puzzle.
  • Perform a task with your non-dominant hand.
  • Change your routines. This will help you refocus your attention.
  • And of course, continue your physical exercise. Exercise improves circulation and sends oxygen to your brain.

Prevention is the best discipline



Discipline means to “teach”. It is simply a way to guide and manage a child’s behavior.

Behavior is a form of communication. Children often misbehave when they have a hard time expressing their needs. They can get overwhelmed or confused over what to do next or how to handle a situation, thus an inappropriate behavior can occur.

It is much easier to prevent inappropriate behavior than it is to correct it. Creating a positive relationship with your child, one that fosters communication, respect and understanding is the first step in helping your child do the right thing.

Here are some ways you can help your child to behave:

  • Notice the good behavior: it seems simple, but often we forget to acknowledge the good choices our children make. It empowers them.
  • Ignore the little things: concentrate on what you really want to change.
  • Set a few simple, clear rules and enforce them consistently: clarity and consistency are essential.
  • Redirect the behaviors you do not like: get the child interested in positive activities or change the setting.
  • Give children advance notice: don’t leave things for the last minute. Transitions and changes in schedules are often stressful.
  • Keep a positive attitude: your sense of humor can go a long way in helping your child be cooperative and positive.
  • Set a good example: children learn what they live.
  • Get the child’s attention: Say his name, look at him when you talk. Don’t just give instructions from across the room.
  • Spend time with your children: kids need undivided, personal attention from their parents. It will help you bond.

What changes “if any” can you make to teach and motivate your child to make better choices?